Robin Rose Hilleary

“It has taken me a long time to feel comfortable even making stuff, or sharing it, saying that I'm an artist. I feel self-possessed in my work lately and that, to me, is success,” says floral artist Robin Rose Hilleary, founder of the NYC company Fleurotica. Here Robin discusses the importance of mental and physical well-being as an artist & business owner, as well as her deep love of collaboration & desire to uplift those around her. Her grace and thoughtfulness shine beautifully here, a welcome respite in the time of corona.

How would you describe what you do? 

for work ? i'm an artist - what i do is make floral sculptures for food, fashion, and film. and love. i collaborate with other artists as much as possible :)

How do you deal with the continual ebb and flow of “success” as a creative person?

i endeavor to remain super present. i am an observer, and i have really closely watched as friends' professional pursuits have shot up, watched so many of my peers skyrocket into "successful" territory, and the delights but also this crazy pain and fickle fame and all the rest that it has afforded them. i think i have a very peaceful perspective on success - i have to attribute that partially to my own privilege in some capacity, but also to a practice of searching for the forest, always zooming out when i'm feeling hopeless or unsuccessful and trusting in the pendulum and its inevitable swing. i so appreciate (and in many ways, depend upon) recognition, but hope to never to endure fame. i just hope to maintain some sense of grace throughout the rollercoaster ride that is being a creative/providing a service in new york city.

When is a time you felt really successful? Or a time you felt like you failed?

incidentally, i could take the current state of things as a failure - we are entering into what's slated to be a really extreme economic recession, and what's the first to go during a recession ? luxury (because of their exorbitance in price, flowers are totally a luxury item or service) !!!! 

i am completely 100% without floral work right now. no income whatsoever, everything postponed or closed. i could kick myself while i'm down - worrying myself into a hole about not having pursued something more concrete, resilient - something with a diploma and a salary and a safety net. but at once, that's when i've felt most successful - when somebody like my sweet dad, who, despite his liberalism, was really pushing for me to go that kind of a more left-brained direction and i pushed for what's natural for me, what comes easily but also feels like not a choice, like an inevitability. and now he is so proud ! it has taken me a long time to feel comfortable even making stuff, or sharing it, saying that i'm an artist. i feel self-possessed in my work lately and that, to me, is success. i feel success when others feel inspired or reassured or excited by what i'm making or what we're doing as a small business. i feel success when my sisters and brothers are feeling it too, making work and making a living from it. 

What is your biggest struggle as a person in creative industry?

making money. i am a woman, brought up by boomers and though my mom is an artist, this hadn't at all been presented to me as a viable career path. i had been painted into a corner by belief systems that i'm still working to shake off or grow out of, and i feel a bit handicapped in that way. no matter how many peers and loved ones i see doing this, hustling and making a living (new york is the best brutal big sister) making shit, i still have trouble making really correct proposals, pricing our work so that i account for all the people i pay each day. i'm working on it. 

What is your daily routine? Your weekend routine?

i wake up quite early, always before sun-up. even before my mind stops dreaming, i set the kettle to boil - i drink tea sort of interminably all day, and i just need that first cup of hot water to set the line between sleeping and waking. i walk my dog opal and listen to some music or a meditation thing and then take the subway up to 28th street to the flower district. i have to walk a ways to and from the subway on either end and that really helps me get my lil head going. i say whats up to my favorite vendors, sometimes bring them a little tea or a cookie, chat about what's looking super fresh that morning, and settle on my materials for the day. i haul things back to my lil studio in chinatown. i love the incense and the gongs that float up from the temple below us, and i love my sweet suite-mates, all of whom work in PR/production - we have a really symbiotic space. i usually visit my buds for lunch at dimes after working in the studio for a bit, make some deliveries or work onsite through the afternoon, and then head back to red hook to walk my dog again in the evening. i really love to cook and have a pretty solid routine of grocery shopping almost every evening - i mostly eat at home and love leftovers, fridge soup, making do - but i also love to get one or two fresh items most days to center the meal around, even if it's just perfect little vegetables of the season. i cook something slowly, often for a friend or two, and then read my book and sleep pretty early. i hate the computer and reluctantly do officey stuff only when i absolutely must (which is, sadly, all of the time). i don't go out much, except lots of little dinner dates with friends, but when i do i like to dance.

How do you motivate yourself to actually get things done and/or maintain some level of productivity? 

i am a leo, and struggle with a real dichotomy of desires - i am incredibly hard-working and can sometimes overdo it, but i also have a tendency toward sybaritism when i'm off - i like to stay in bed awhile, have long walks and good meals and watch lots of movies. i do think owning my own business has provided me with a really healthy relationship to work - i don't procrastinate as much, or overwork as much, as now i'm doing it for me, there's a lot invested in/dependent upon my health and i recognize that. i'm a bit of a people pleaser so it's been a wonderful exercise in pleasing myself to develop my own schedules and fulfill my own punch lists with only me to answer to. my motivation is the beautiful floral dreamscapes that comes out of insane, long physical days, and at once the physical peace that comes with allowing myself a true break thereafter. i don't take a lot of time off but when i do i really do ;)

How do you manage the stress/anxiety that’s inevitable with putting yourself out there?

i try to surround myself with women who soothe me in their wisdom. long walk talks feel like sanity insurance for me. i'm getting better at ASKING FOR HELP which is really big for me - and so helpful. it seems obvious but it does not come naturally to me, so when i do it i get a little high, which i'm learning is mutual as everybody loves to help out :) and then of course, breathing, a bath with a good book - cliches because they really work.

How do you know when it’s time to rest?

i'm still learning ! but i've learned over time that ignoring that necessity for rest inevitably leads to weird shit inside my body - i've had lots of adrenal and thyroid issues, i've had shingles and panic attacks and severe vertigo spells and all sorts of other strange manifestations of totally unchecked stress, so i'm learning to tune in and try to listen before my body flips out and throws me a painful curveball. 

How do you manage the internet/social media?

ugh !!!!!! i set a timer on instagram, and i try not to spend much time there. but it's a golden handcuff, right ? i mean, a lot of our clientele comes via social media so i just try to be a bit agnostic around it - grateful for the work and beautiful connections it affords us and the platform it provides for a lot of those who have historically struggled with gaining exposure, but also... ugh.

Do you collaborate, and if so, what’s your collaborative process like? 

we do ! oh my goodness, this is the number one most important thing for us. i'm not very organized about it - i kind of just reach out to any and everybody i see doing work that i admire, that inspires me, and tell them. tell them, folks ! especially queer/trans/femme/POC artists and makers - we all need to hear that we are heard and see that we are seen. i try to really practice the golden rule here - i love to be admired, we all do ! i feel so strongly about loving on, pushing up, creating space for fellow artists. i'm still figuring out the best means by which to apply this determination - but talking to one another about each others' processes, desires, dreams is the best place to begin, at least for me. 

What’s your big dream? Do you have one? How do you set goals/set yourself up to achieve?

my dreams shift constantly, or layer up rather. i always wanted a restaurant, always worked in food and that hasn't gone away, it's just morphed a bit -  i would really love to run a space, a community-oriented, beautiful, hyper-accessible space centered around making. growing and cooking and serving food and wine, and making art and flowers and sharing space throughout all of our work. i'm such a hippie at heart, i know i'll end up taking care of people in some regard and that's in line with my dreams. beauty and support and care. i think accountability is the best route to achievement, so i just try to share these dreams with my boos and ask them to hold me to them. or just ask them to hold me, period :) 

How do you deal with people not liking you, liking your ideas or being jealous of you? 

i wrote down this bell hooks quote awhile ago that's sticky in my heart when this comes up: "sometimes people try to destroy you, precisely because they recognize your power — not because they don’t see it, but because they see it and they don’t want it to exist.” 

i still struggle with owning my own power,  but for me it's about seeing the alchemy there, seeing jealousy as simply desire - for power, for equality, for love. and letting it galvanize our own power as wind not only for our sails but for our peers'. a rising tide lifts all boats, right ? and balancing that by putting all my energy into mutual support and tons and tons of love and acknowledgement and shouting, singing the praises of those we admire from the rooftops of our hearts.

For more of Robin follow Fleurotica on Instagram or check out her website here

Interview conducted on March 25th, 2019

Published May 11, 2019